They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. I had no privacy. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. Next I called my wife. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Accept yourself, just try to improve. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. There were 3 friends with her. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. She continued to ignore my boundary. This. See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. It sounds like shes remorseful. Kidding aside. Chin up man. Dude, yeah. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Therapy is the next logical step. Fuck this situation. Winston Churchill My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. Her to like the same shit you go?? she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. Maybe suggest that. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. But we hung on. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Names have been changed. Good luck and I do feel for you. Dont slide back to her. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. Your wife hates that you're bi. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. Take a few more days. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. Great comment. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. What else is she keeping from OP? Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Her friends have always been cool to me. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Life is transient. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Yeah, I'm a married woman. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? How would she feel if she overheard this? The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. I thanked him. I think you handled that really well. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. I probably wouldnt have. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Give your best anyway. Good luck bro! Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. Those so called friends are not real friends. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. This is divorce worthy. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. Her voice was strained and raspy. She just let it slip. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. They all laugh. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. She hurt you fucking badly. See how it flushes out. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. I will always defend my guy. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Good luck and I do feel for you. Has anyone gone through anything similar? I agree with this comment the most. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. Then go for it. I've been married for 21+ years. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. OP, be worried that you're married to someone willing to lie about how they feel about you to have a better image for their friend group. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. Best of luck. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. Thank you. I would want to know why, if it was me. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Oh My God, seriously? You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. Its not an easy solution. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. I suggest an open minded conversation. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. I have no idea how you will be able to have sex with her. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. She kept her bad friends 4. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Just talk. Your sex life sounds amazing. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. She should have told you from the beginning that she let it slip and stood up for you to her friends. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. Good luck. But Id advise against staying with someone like that at all. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. Good luck, brother. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. Don't go silent on her. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. She's lying to you to save face. As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. So what you should do? Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. How much more reassurance do you need? It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? Maybe. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. This was not stupid. What can you say or she say tomorrow? Take the space you need & honor your feelings. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. I turned around and stormed off to our room. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. You have an issue, address it. Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. It's human nature. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. 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